Why Thanksgiving Break Should Be A Full Week

Ah, Thanksgiving break. A time for resting, visiting friends and family, being thankful for all of the wonderful things in our lives, and stuffing ourselves to the point of exhaustion with some of the best prepared food you'll taste all year.

About a week before break begins (ours happens to be this Wednesday) the kids start to get the itch. They know break is coming, and their brains have entered shut down mode. They can no longer process information and learning anything new is definitely out of the question. They can't go more than 30 seconds without whispering excitedly to their friends and I waste more breath trying to pull them back than I do instructing. This will hopefully change as the years go by and I become a more forceful and terrifying figure (ha yeah okay 5'2" and I'm only getting shorter).

Anyway, I spent the weekend getting really amped about orchestra. I've been in a rut lately and just feeling completely at a loss when it comes to teaching. But last week I arranged a quartet for the end of our concert and it sounds so good that I was able to just fly out of that rut I was stuck in and get pumped about class. But then today happened.

Despite the fact that "Attention" is spelled incorrectly, it is unnervingly accurate. Why is it that we must have these two random days that we attend school just before break? At least make them in service or parent/teacher conference days. At least don't make me teach these children whose brains have been on break since 3:30 dismissal last Friday. My younger brother's district has parent teacher conferences the next two days. I logged on to Facebook this morning to see his status about how he was trying, but failing, to get in to the earlier seasons of 'Doctor Who.' He's 13, for the record. Another friend, who is in grad school, texted me at 11 and said, "I just rolled out of bed and you're in school. How does that make you feel?' Ugh. It makes me feel ugh. 

Today drove me so insane that it was all I could do to keep myself at school to finish up plans for tomorrow once I was able to dismiss my last class. I have never wanted to swear as much as I did today when I had what felt like ten thousand students crowding me, asking about strings and the concert and "Why is my grade an 85 in this class?" (Thank you, scheduling gods, for picking today as mid interim report day). I almost threw my instrument out the window when a student said, "Yeah, I don't know if I can make the concert...." Um. What. It's the concert. It's next week. You have to make it. 

Anyway. Despite all of this I did get to teach 6th grade general music the cup game and 7th grade orchestra did a lot of good work with one of their pieces. Even they recognized it and exclaimed, "We got a lot of good stuff done today!" Yes, children, you did! Ms. B is so proud of you. 

Now, be functional tomorrow and she'll never yell at you again. 

Miss B

No More Rosin!

When teaching 8th graders (specifically, 8th grade boys) it's important to remember one simple thing:


Everything (yes, everything) is a sexual innuendo.

I feel like this is especially true in music performance ensemble settings.

Think about it: Sally is a flute player and a staccato passage pops up. It sounds muddy and the teacher calls back, "Sally! You really need to be tonguing there. It needs to be very articulate!" Next thing you know you've got Johnny the trumpet player (or, more likely, trombone player) snickering to his friend and mumbling (or yelling, if he's bold enough), "What's wrong, Sally, don't know how to use your tongue?" *snicker snicker* Subtle enough for the kids whose brains haven't quite reached that level yet, but obvious enough to those who have that he's being a pervert.

The trombone players are the worst (trom-boners) and we all know about the pregnancies that result from a ride on the percussion bus (hey, they really know how to use a stick, afterall).

In orchestra we have our f-holes ("Hehehe hey Miss B - I got my finger stuck in my f-hole! Hehehehehehe!") and our fingering patterns (I'm waiting for the day they ask me, "Oooh Miss B, could you help me with my fingering...skills?").

Today it was rosin. Jack* and Sam* are wandering around the room at the start of class with bows in hand. They each grab a cube of rosin and start sliding it up and down their bow hairs. Five minutes full of snickers and glances my way and "SAM STOOOOP hahahahahaha"s I was ready to run to the locker room and bathe myself.


And that, my friends, is orchestra with 8th grade boys.




Miss B

You're So OLD!

Children, I've found, have absolutely no qualms (a word I know how to spell because of Rugrats) about saying exactly what they feel. Thus, I am called "old," "boring," "crazy," "eccentric" (though how this fits in with 'boring' I've yet to determine), and various other things that mature adults with brains would never think to call you (to your face) over the course of the past three months. 

Today we had a fire drill during 6th grade music appreciation, which of course was cause for excitement and complete lack of control over oneself. This resulted in a child exclaiming the following at me:

"MISS B YOU ARE SO OOOOOLLLLDDDDDD!!!!"

Back it up. 

Kid: "...people over 20 shouldn't even be allowed to have Facebook or Instagram! It's just not right."

Miss B: "Kid, when Facebook came out you had to have a college email just to sign up!"

Kid: "Miss B you are so old." 

This happened yesterday, as well, when a student picked Jimmy Eat World's 2001 hit "The Middle" for their My Music project and I danced around the room while we listened to it. In this same class we watched the opening credits to "The Shining" today, and as I got excited about Stanley Kubrick's use of pre-composed music for the entire soundtrack their eyes glazed over.  I did have a couple of kids look at me and croak out "Reeedruuuum," which restored some of my faith.




Miss B

 

Hey, I Can Transpose That!

Let me say this: I love my students. They bring thoughts  and opinions to the table that really make me think. Granted, sometimes I'm thinking, "Are you serious what's wrong with you" but at least they're doing something that helps me delve into the mind of a budding adolescent

Of course, though, there are those students who are your reason for getting out of bed in the morning.

In my beginning orchestra I have a couple of students who have been playing for some time now. Rather than have them sit in room with me while I try and shout out counts in common time or explain how to play a basic finger pattern, I put them in a practice room with duets and ask them to work together to make it successful. I've started going in there whenever the beginners are driving me crazy. It's a very soothing thing. Every time I walk in to the room I am greeted by Smoke On The Water in pizzicato form. Who wouldn't be soothed by two eleven year olds bopping to Deep Puple's 1970s hit?

So the other day I walked in, did a groove to their song, and then asked to hear a duet.

"Well....the tempo is something we don't quite play right," the cellist said.
"Yeah, we just can't seem to count off the same way."
This is not surprising. They're eleven. "Okay, well I can help you do that."

They look at each other.

"Well...actually we were wondering if we could play a different duet. Maybe a Christmas one?"

"Yeah, since the concert is close to Christmas and everything...."

Okay, no big. Except, "Well, I don't really have any Christmas duets..."

My violinist scrunched hi s face and then a lightbulb comes on. "Oh! I have Carol of the Bells! Granted, it's all in treble clef....so (cellist) wouldn't really be able to read it..."

Cellist shrugs and adjusts his glasses. "It's cool. I can just transpose it."

The violinist nods in agreement. "Oh, yeah, I could do that too. It wouldn't take me long."

At this point a jumped in to the air and flew around the room. There is nothing more glorious than an eleven year old correctly using the word 'transpose' in a sentence.



Miss B

The Day Of No Learning

I'm nearing my third full month as a teacher. I teach 6 - 8th grade music appreciation and orchestra at a public school that is well known for its test scores and well mannered students. As far as first jobs go, I lucked out. Of my 200 students, only about five of them have a major attitude problem. Most of them do what I ask without complaint and apologize when they piss me off. Score for Ms. B.

I have always loved writing and, once I become comfortable in a setting, I like to think I can be quite amusing. Someday I'm sure I'll look back on this and think, "Um. What was wrong with you, you're about as dry as a glass of Riesling."

Thursday brought the wonderful scent of the approaching weekend as well as a new unit in 6th grade appreciation. Of course they were in an uproar about having to learn something new, to which I responded with something that I think contained much dignity and grace. "Fine, then tomorrow will be a day of no learning."

They didn't actually know this was happening. On Friday they walked into the normal classroom. Lights off, The Piano Guys doing their thing on YouTube (getting us in the groove for music, yanno), the whole shebang. I instructed them to face forward with a pencil, everything else under their desk.

"We're just going to do worksheets today."

"Yay!" Fine. I pass them out.

"Ms. B, how do we do this?"

"I don't know."

"What do you MEAN you don't know, you're the teacher!"

"Yeah but you guys didn't want to learn and I didn't feel like putting all of that effort into a lesson plan if you weren't going to care so here are some worksheets. Figure them out, then sit quietly and stare at the wall when you're done. Super easy."

50 minutes later they were leaving my class exclaiming, "PLEASE CAN WE LEARN ON MONDAY?? THAT WAS TORTURE!" They continued on to their next class, telling their friends all about their crazy music teacher who refused to teach them that day. It will only work once, but I love winning.




PS: If you've got a middle school kid who consistently plays his note "D" very out of tune (read: flat), chose your words carefully. Telling him that he needs to practice because his D is always flat is likely not going to result in the response that you're looking for.


Miss B